Tag Archives: the church

Making a Mess in Colorado

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Posted by kritzau on May 23, 2011 – 6:25 pm
Filed under A Beautiful Mess, Art Journaling, Workshops/Retreats

A lot of paper was ripped in the past four days. And with every tear, I pray that something in the world was stitched up.

I flew to Denver last Thursday.  It was the fourth trip I’ve been on in a month.  This spring has encompassed another country, another county, another state, and all different kinds of amazing events and people at every stop.

The three events scheduled for this past visit flew by, but not without moments to pause, to meditate, to share, to laugh, to rip, to cry, and to heal. I met over 30 women this past week (and even more up north in Modesto) who are longing to find depth, connection, and growth in their communities and with themselves.

(centerpieces for the event at Big Valley Grace Church in Modesto)

A trend is emerging at these workshops of women being reintroduced to the right side of their brain: the creative, intuitive, fluid and often ignored or undervalued side. Through ripping up magazines, finger painting and throwing “normal” structure out the window, we began to breathe a little easier, deeper, and truer together — all at different rhythms, but side by side nonetheless.

It wasn’t without rules though.

“Rules?” You might ask, “I thought perfectionists were trying to recover from those?”

These were different: Read More »

With-ness: An advent reading

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Posted by kritzau on December 20, 2010 – 8:42 am
Filed under A Beautiful Mess, Poems and Blessings

This past weekend, I was invited to partake in the advent activities at our church.  Every week for the past month, someone has shared a reading while other participants light one of the advent candles.  Our themes over the past few weeks have been time, openness, untamed and for this last week: with.

Here is the reading:

“I am waiting in a silent prayer. I am frightened by the load I bear. In a world cold as stone, must I walk this path alone? Be with me now. Be with me now.  Breathe of Heaven.”  Mary’s words sung by Amy Grant, are haunting in this advent season.

She didn’t ask to have this load taken off of her.  She didn’t pray for God to change the plan – she told the messenger angel: “May it be as you have said.”  In that instant the expectations of her life forever changed. Read More »

Fan upload

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Posted by kritzau on November 6, 2010 – 8:51 pm
Filed under A Beautiful Mess, Workshops/Retreats

I wanted to give a special shout out to a wonderful small group who is reading ABM in Colorado!

Looking forward to getting out to Colorado to meet you all (and more of you) in 2011!

Know Your Role or Being Known

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Posted by kritzau on October 5, 2010 – 10:26 am
Filed under A Beautiful Mess, Thoughts on life

“There’s this saying: ‘They are the nicest people you’ll never know,” my girlfriend said in a somber tone.  “I’m not sure how to meet people.”

She was reflecting on her recent move to a new town and I was her conduit of encouragement from two states away.

“Have you thought about a different church?” I replied in an upbeat, proactive voice, hoping that my revelation might help. It didn’t turn out to be much of a light bulb though because of course my wise friend had already ventured down that rabbit hole.

“We’ve thought about it, but all that’s here are glossy mega-churches or tiny congregations where people have been for years.” My translation of my gracious friend’s words: We don’t want to hang out with only senior citizens.

There was yearning in her voice, not of desperation, but of a need to belong.  I’m not a scientist or a developmental psychologist, but I am an observer of (and participant in) human life. In that, I would say, at a basic level: we all want to belong – to be known.

Recently, I have wrestled with a semi-common phrase: “Know your role.” In different spheres of my life, my role as employee, daughter, little sister, wife, woman, etc. can feel very limiting.  I don’t want to role-play my life.  I want to dream outside of the box, but that’s hard when there is no room to be seen as just me— no room to grow, expand, or safety to belong.  I want to bust out of the cardboard life, but then the box rips. It makes a scene and, not to play that card, (but I’m going to) as a man you’d be applauded, but as a woman the glaring begins. Read More »

Expectations of home

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Posted by kritzau on July 13, 2010 – 10:14 am
Filed under A Beautiful Mess, Thoughts on life

As the palm trees came into focus like angry splinters waving in the heat, I knew I was home. Over the course of the last decade, I have made this land where all kinds of differences collide my place of solace.  Decades are markers of sorts the older you get and I had just returned to Southern California after my 10 year reunion in the Pacific Northwest. It seems like it went by so fast, these 10 years, and I had lived most of them in this dry place where on one side of town it is littered with the small world of movie stars and fancy cars and the other where I dwelt.  That side of town wrestled with issues like social justice, grace, true love, and it is where I felt Jesus show up for the first time in my short life.

I had expectations when I moved here — I wanted to be a movie producer.  This sentiment was captured in the dusty yearbooks we were all laughing at on Saturday night where I had said “In ten years I will be producing a movie or TV show” under an energetic, youthful grin.  An optimistic girl frozen in time.  Those expectations dissolved after a short internship and a rough introduction into “the industry.”  I knew within weeks my heart was no longer in Hollywood.  My expectations changed in that time of not only my career, but of my friends, my faith, my body, my community, of marriage, schooling, and family.

Expectations do funny things to people. They can dictate our life plans, our moods, our families, among many other things. Healthy expectations drive us on and encourage good habits. Unhealthy patterns are shoved on to unsuspecting kids who should have had parents and leaders who knew better, but they were kids once too… so the patterns continue.  Read More »

In response: For the Love of a Cast Iron Skillet

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Posted by kritzau on May 10, 2010 – 3:28 pm
Filed under A Beautiful Mess, Home.Food.Garden, Thoughts on life

My husband gave me a cast iron pan for Christmas.  It’s back-to-the-future at our home as this past winter we established our little urban farm.  We are trying to do as much as we can on our homestead which includes seven vegetable beds, six chickens, and making as much from scratch as we can (including body scrub and chicken stock).  As spring manifests itself I finally mustered up the courage to experiment with the new skillet. I figured that I can try to join the ranks of thousands of years of fabulous cooks.

We seasoned it (a process I will not detail here). We made bacon in it.  We roasted a chicken with maple syrup and balsamic vinegar. It was great.  However, I began to notice as we cleaned it that the seasoning (a coating) was coming off.  I frantically ran to my anxiety engine (I mean Google) and typed in various versions of “cast iron skillet coating coming off.”  As I read through various sites’ responses, I was caught off guard by the secret society I had unknowingly entered into.

(said skillet)

Everyone had opinions and ways of “doing” this cast iron thing. People said season it again, but then others said don’t season it at all. Some wrote to cook bacon in it many, many times, others bread… Use a metal spatula, others said wood. Use soap, don’t use soap.  I was in another world that was making my head spin. Read More »